The Advice shared by My Dad That Saved Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a broader failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - going on a short trip overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."